in orbit

I mostly talk about video games and the world wide web

Apr272006

Wii

So, if you haven't already heard (and I'm sure you have), the next Nintendo console is will be called Wii. Pronounced 'we'. After the painfully obvious and of course hilarious piss jokes (and by hilarious, I mean not hilarious at all), I'm left wondering what the fuck?

First off, Nintendo has never been very creative in naming their consoles. Allow me to provide this handy chart:

YearNameMarketing Strategy
1985Nintendo Entertainment SystemWell, our company is called 'Nintendo', and this is a system which is used for entertainment... seems pretty straight forward.
1991Super Nintendo Entertainment SystemUhh, well it's like the NES, only better... like it's more powerful and stuff. Like a super version of it, or something. It's like a super Nintendo.
1996Nintendo 64Okay, Saturn and Playstation are huge and they're 32-bit systems... and ours is 64 bits, so we want to convey how it's double the awesome of those two, right? So it needs 64 in it... SNES64? NES64? Actually screw it, just drop the ES since people just called the other ones 'Nintendo' and 'Super Nintendo' anyway.
2001Nintendo GameCubeUhh, well it's shaped like a cube and it plays games, so...
2006Nintendo WiiI want to take that job with Sony, but I'm under contract with Nintendo, so I need to think of a way to get fired...

Then of course there's the genius of the DS. DS, in case you have a very low IQ, stands for 'Dual Screen'. How did they ever come up with that? Game Boy is about the most creative thing they've come up with, and even that's kind of mediocre as far as cool names go. Virtual Boy doesn't count because it was a piece of shit.

But, I digress. The system still shows potential, and even mundane games like EA's Madden franchise could become more interesting.

I keep waiting for the name to grow on me though, and it almost does until I start to think about it. Consoles have never had amazingly great names; Playstation, XBox, Master System, TurboGrafx are all pretty goofy, but I got over them after a day. I thought XBox 360 was a dumb name for a few hours, but it's been a whole day and Wii still sounds just as stupid as when I heard it the first time. Plus when I go buy one I will be forced to say the name out loud for the first (and hopefully last) time, which will only cause me to rethink my entire life, and that's never a good thing. If I pre-order one I might even have to say it twice ("Hi, I'd like to pre-order a Wii" and then "Yes, I'm here to pick up my Wii"). Immature and stupid, sure, but come on. It's just a bad name.

Also the internet never fails to amuse me with its ability to absolutely pound obvious and not-that-funny jokes into the ground until they die horrible, foaming deaths naked with their hands down their pants in shame. At least it's a nice break from all the 'O RLY's and Chuck Norris jokes. Not that they're not the pinnacle of comedy the nine-thousandth time someone spouts them off.

But, whatever I guess. It doesn't change how interesting the system is (to me). Even if it turns out to be a horrible experiment gone terribly wrong, I'll at least have something to play GameCube games on. I never really got to try any and there are a couple that look pretty cool. Wii'll have to see how it turns out. Get it, because it's Wii! I'm so sorry. I almost made it too.
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okay. you're a genius with that break down.

also: i never even considered what DS stood for. :-(

Apr. 28, 2006 (3:25pm EST)

#2 - Mike Reply
sweet, so you think I could make it in the fast paced world of marketing then?

also it's okay if you never thought about what DS stands for, it's only funny if you thought about it for a while and couldn't figure it out :(

Apr. 28, 2006 (5:35pm EST)

From what I've read thusfar the name is just Wii, not Nintendo Wii.

Apr. 30, 2006 (12:11am EST)

#11 - Mike Reply
yeah I think you're right. I think they're taking cues from Apple, because all their new stuff (wii and DS lite) have an Apple-like look to them, and it's not 'Apple iPod', just 'iPod' etc etc

Apr. 30, 2006 (10:13pm EST)